Content Harry Potter

Reviews

Sterling posted a comment on Wednesday 27th September 2006 3:22pm for Chapter 4: Chamber Cleansing

This has been an enjoyable story so far. My only two real criticisms is concerning your dialogue first. At times it is overly verbose. Generally, people don't take turns giving discertations to each other in casual conversation. Also you need to give your dialogue a more natural cadence. If you read it out loud and it seems awkward or unweildly you may want to rethink how you word things. The other thing I noticed is that Harry, despite his magical "flare up" has had thing quite easy. Harry is agreeing and accepting things to easily as well. While Albus is being entirely to accomadating to Harry. There is no real sense of conflict or drama yet.

These are just a couple of things I have noticed. I still have enjoyed reading your work and my opinion is by no means an "expert" one. Thanks for sharing.

TxA_GunFighter posted a comment on Wednesday 16th August 2006 2:11am for Chapter 4: Chamber Cleansing

Very good.

gunny

KenF posted a comment on Saturday 22nd July 2006 4:13am for Chapter 4: Chamber Cleansing

I kind of like the way that Dumbledore is pushing Harry to track down the answers himself.

Puck1 posted a comment on Wednesday 15th February 2006 12:35pm for Chapter 4: Chamber Cleansing

Great story!!

Steven Augart posted a comment on Wednesday 15th February 2006 8:21am for Chapter 4: Chamber Cleansing

I like this story enough that I am taking the trouble to make little suggestions for improvement. That's the highest praise I usually offer :).

I think that I’m a millennia away


You want:
I think that I'm a millennium away ; alternatively, you might just want to have him say I think that I'm a thousand years away .

just a small quantity would suit out potions master

You mean ... our potions master

Musings of Apathy replied:

Thank you, Steven, for your suggestions. I have changed the out to our. I can't believe that I missed that one. With catching that mistake and your phrasing suggestions, you would probably make a good Beta reader, if you have ever considered it.

Mike.

Daniel posted a comment on Wednesday 15th February 2006 1:46am for Chapter 4: Chamber Cleansing

nice story keep it up

jnhink posted a comment on Tuesday 14th February 2006 2:28am for Chapter 4: Chamber Cleansing

Perhaps you should subtitle the story "The Beta's Cut" (Need one myself)

jnhink posted a comment on Tuesday 14th February 2006 2:26am for Chapter 4: Chamber Cleansing

Perhaps you should subtitle the story "The Bata's Cut"

Musings of Apathy replied:

My Beta's, I am sure, thank you. For the most part, the changes that you are seeing are due to a maturation of my own writing as I go through and re-edit/re-write. A Beta can not do this for you and should not be asked. If someone does that level of Beta work they would be a co-author. I am enjoying correcting some of the errors that I made and making the story smoother (hopefully). My Beta's are doing a wonderful job of finding mistakes that I am prone to and pointing them out, or simply saying, 'Okay, now it makes sense. Looks good.'

Aaran St Vines posted a comment on Tuesday 14th February 2006 1:05am for Chapter 4: Chamber Cleansing

Ch.4 - - I have read several stories reaping the benefits of the basilisk Harry killed.

Most have Snape going down and doing the harvesting with Harry, and then being beholding to Harry. Quite often the skin becomes armor, etc.

This is novel and perfectly logical. It should be such a controlled substance that this much would be beyond valuable. Why give Snape such wealth and/or power. Harry should have it.

Grinding the whole thing is also novel and makes for a bigger quantity for these purposes.

Brilliant variation on the concept!

AcceleratedGlass posted a comment on Monday 13th February 2006 4:58pm for Chapter 4: Chamber Cleansing

great story, update soon

Christopher Estep posted a comment on Sunday 12th February 2006 11:28pm for Chapter 4: Chamber Cleansing

"Chamber Cleansing" OR "How to Blackmail Severus Snape In Three Easy Steps".

With as much basilisk powder as a basilisk of THAT size would make, Harry would effectively be able to have Severus right where he wants him for *years*.

Olafr posted a comment on Sunday 12th February 2006 6:14pm for Chapter 4: Chamber Cleansing

Hmm, rhe beta-ing process seems to make this story read a little more thoughtfully. Thank you very much for taking the time to improve an already-excellent story. I look ofrward to more revised chapters.

ridmania posted a comment on Sunday 12th February 2006 5:18pm for Chapter 4: Chamber Cleansing

lol awesome!!!

Jim_xinu posted a comment on Sunday 12th February 2006 2:43pm for Chapter 4: Chamber Cleansing

I can't say I noticed any of the edit you've made, but then it's been a while since I read the earlier chapters of this story.

I just wanted to let you know that I'm glad it's available again and encourage you to continue posting and writing it. Thanks! :-)