Harry Potter and the Cracked Reservoir
By Musings of Apathy
Very good.
gunny
I kind of like the way that Dumbledore is pushing Harry to track down the answers himself.
Great story!!
I like this story enough that I am taking the trouble to make little suggestions for improvement. That's the highest praise I usually offer :).
I think that I’m a millennia away
You want:
I think that I'm a millennium away ; alternatively, you might just want to have him say I think that I'm a thousand years away .
just a small quantity would suit out potions master
You mean ... our potions master
Thank you, Steven, for your suggestions. I have changed the out to our. I can't believe that I missed that one. With catching that mistake and your phrasing suggestions, you would probably make a
good Beta reader, if you have ever considered it.
Mike.
nice story keep it up
Perhaps you should subtitle the story "The Beta's Cut" (Need one myself)
Perhaps you should subtitle the story "The Bata's Cut"
My Beta's, I am sure, thank you. For the most part, the changes that you are seeing are due to a maturation of my own writing as I go through and re-edit/re-write. A Beta can not do this for you and should not be asked. If someone does that level of Beta work they would be a co-author. I am enjoying correcting some of the errors that I made and making the story smoother (hopefully). My Beta's are doing a wonderful job of finding mistakes that I am prone to and pointing them out, or simply saying, 'Okay, now it makes sense. Looks good.'
Ch.4 - - I have read several stories reaping the benefits of the basilisk Harry killed.
Most have Snape going down and doing the harvesting with Harry, and then being beholding to Harry. Quite often the skin becomes armor, etc.
This is novel and perfectly logical. It should be such a controlled substance that this much would be beyond valuable. Why give Snape such wealth and/or power. Harry should have it.
Grinding the whole thing is also novel and makes for a bigger quantity for these purposes.
Brilliant variation on the concept!
great story, update soon
"Chamber Cleansing" OR "How to Blackmail Severus Snape In Three Easy Steps".
With as much basilisk powder as a basilisk of THAT size would make, Harry would effectively be able to have Severus right where he wants him for *years*.
Hmm, rhe beta-ing process seems to make this story read a little more thoughtfully. Thank you very much for taking the time to improve an already-excellent story. I look ofrward to more revised chapters.
lol awesome!!!
I can't say I noticed any of the edit you've made, but then it's been a while since I read the earlier chapters of this story.
I just wanted to let you know that I'm glad it's available again and encourage you to continue posting and writing it. Thanks! :-)
This has been an enjoyable story so far. My only two real criticisms is concerning your dialogue first. At times it is overly verbose. Generally, people don't take turns giving discertations to each other in casual conversation. Also you need to give your dialogue a more natural cadence. If you read it out loud and it seems awkward or unweildly you may want to rethink how you word things. The other thing I noticed is that Harry, despite his magical "flare up" has had thing quite easy. Harry is agreeing and accepting things to easily as well. While Albus is being entirely to accomadating to Harry. There is no real sense of conflict or drama yet.
These are just a couple of things I have noticed. I still have enjoyed reading your work and my opinion is by no means an "expert" one. Thanks for sharing.