By Musings of Apathy
Reviews
HermioneGreen posted a comment on Monday 20th February 2006 10:18pm
Awesome chapter. Loved the kissing scene. I'm surprised Dumbledore didn't think Harry would react the way he did. I look forward to more.
'Mione
kittykatluver posted a comment on Monday 20th February 2006 10:06pm
I knew it!! I KNEW he was gonna do that! Haha, good job!
Patches posted a comment on Monday 20th February 2006 4:52pm
I like this story. I get the feeling that Dumbledore is going to get a "surprise" when they try to surprise Harry! I hope everyone is ok after Harry's reaction! Please keep up the good work. I didn't have time to read and review each chapter but I liked them all. Thank you for writing. Please continue.
pms
HermioneGreen posted a comment on Monday 20th February 2006 10:44am
Awesome story so far. I look forward to more.
'Mione
kittykatluver posted a comment on Monday 20th February 2006 2:16am
Oh, sounds like Harry's gonna be jumpy! Nice work!
RedPhoenix_2k3 posted a comment on Monday 20th February 2006 1:56am
Good story thus far. I really like the premise that started it. It's got to be difficult to relearn something like controlling your magic.
I do have a few general comments/criticisms.
1. Perhaps it's just because of the overabundance of adults around him but Harry's speech and actions seem very stilted/dry. Hopefully when he's back among his friends it will start to feel more natural.
2. I realize that it's summer but the fact that Harry is being left alone, especially given his unique circumstances, is a little unnerving. Dumbledore's willingness to let Harry free reign over the castle seems unrealistic. Wouldn't it be more believable for there to be a faculty member nearby when he is practicing, if only to ensure his safety and that of the school?
3. Too many adults, not enough friends, esp. Ginny since this is listed as H/G. ::grin:: This is just an observation since I am sure that they will be coming, hopefully soon. Nothing really to fix here yet.
Looking forward to the rest of this story.
Musings of Apathy replied:
Thank you for the review.
1. Yes, I sometimes have a problem with dialog, but I will try to make it better.
2. Dumbledore is relying on the wards and his connection to them to protect the school and Harry. That and he is trying to trust Harry.
3. Wait and see. It will come soon.
Mike.
AcceleratedGlass posted a comment on Sunday 19th February 2006 6:04pm
good chapter, update soon
ridmania posted a comment on Sunday 19th February 2006 5:28pm
awesome!!!!!
dwolc posted a comment on Friday 17th February 2006 10:05am
this is a cool story thank you
Christopher Estep posted a comment on Thursday 16th February 2006 11:23pm
Uh-oh! Pissed!Harry + Pissed!Amelia + Guilt-ridden!Dumbledore = VERY bad news for both Umbridge and the Dursleys! From Dumbledore's comments, I doubt VERY seriously that Harry will be seeing a Dursley for the rest of his life. As for Umbridge, should she survive, she'll be able to write a new book: "Dancing with Dementors".
Musings of Apathy replied:
I am glad that you like the story.
My original write of this story pretty much ignors Umbridge after this, but I think that I may beef up an explanation of her fate to explain why Harry can just ignor her now. I don't want to write a vengeful Harry. Not that Umbridge will be happy with her life after the punishment.
Aaran St Vines posted a comment on Thursday 16th February 2006 10:22pm
Justice for Umbridge is a VERY good thing. I'd say sixty hours with a blood quill writing 'Harry Potter was right," would do.
Though I haven't do it yet, and do not know if I can with my current storyline, it is most gratifying when Dumbledore finds out about how Harry was treated. I would rather he be shocked and repentant than having known and not doing anything about it.
Fine story. (By the way, why did ff.net drop you from their site?)
Musings of Apathy replied:
Thank you.
They said that I exceeded my rating (of 'M') with adult or explicit content.
AcceleratedGlass posted a comment on Thursday 16th February 2006 5:35pm
great chapter, update soon
Olafr posted a comment on Thursday 16th February 2006 11:21am
Interesting. Is it my imagination or have you boosted the importance of Harry's headache after aura reading? The revelation of Harry's abuse also seems a little different.
Overall, I maintain my opinion that this version is reading more smoothly than the first version. Well done, keep it up. :-)
Musings of Apathy replied:
Thank you. I have been attempting to improve the story as I smoothed out some problems. The headaches were added because I received reviews of later chapters asking why he wasn't using the Aura reading more. This also lets me put a chink in his armor and show that he is not hero perfect. And, yes a little tweeking will take place throughout the chapters as they are posted. For one, I have Beta's to point out bad language and such.
Mike.
P.S. Thanks for re-reading my story. I remember you having reviewed on FF.n.
Puck1 posted a comment on Wednesday 15th February 2006 12:35pm
Great story!!
Steven Augart posted a comment on Wednesday 15th February 2006 8:21am
I like this story enough that I am taking the trouble to make little suggestions for improvement. That's the highest praise I usually offer :).
I think that I’m a millennia away
You want:
I think that I'm a millennium away ; alternatively, you might just want to have him say I think that I'm a thousand years away .just a small quantity would suit out potions masterYou mean ... our potions master
Musings of Apathy replied:
Thank you, Steven, for your suggestions. I have changed the out to our. I can't believe that I missed that one. With catching that mistake and your phrasing suggestions, you would probably make a good Beta reader, if you have ever considered it.
Mike.
Daniel posted a comment on Wednesday 15th February 2006 1:46am
nice story keep it up
Steven Augart posted a comment on Tuesday 14th February 2006 9:36pm
I'm enjoying the story. There are some wording changes that could improve it further:
The past seven hours had been spent restlessly on the bed, his insides attempting to be barbequed by the explosion of power that an attempted ritual by his number one enemy. For a fifteen-year-old boy, Harry Potter had a long list of enemies, each believing to be his arch nemesis.
I'd suggest some minor wording fixes here. This way, it sounds as if his insides are actually "attempting to be barbequed". And that certainly isn't the case!
In the second sentence, I'd suggest "each one believing himself or herself to be Harry's arch nemesis"
jnhink posted a comment on Tuesday 14th February 2006 2:28am
Perhaps you should subtitle the story "The Beta's Cut" (Need one myself)
jnhink posted a comment on Tuesday 14th February 2006 2:26am
Perhaps you should subtitle the story "The Bata's Cut"
Musings of Apathy replied:
My Beta's, I am sure, thank you. For the most part, the changes that you are seeing are due to a maturation of my own writing as I go through and re-edit/re-write. A Beta can not do this for you and should not be asked. If someone does that level of Beta work they would be a co-author. I am enjoying correcting some of the errors that I made and making the story smoother (hopefully). My Beta's are doing a wonderful job of finding mistakes that I am prone to and pointing them out, or simply saying, 'Okay, now it makes sense. Looks good.'
AK posted a comment on Tuesday 21st February 2006 9:15am