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Alex Mcpherson posted a comment on Thursday 19th March 2009 6:36am for Chapter 2

wanted to come back to read this.

Found a typo near the end - can't remember if there were others before hand though.

Ginny says this: "If you're Lord Potter, you're wife would be Lady Potter."

Even though they're kids and typo's usually correlate to how they say things, your and you're are said the same, unless you are speaking without contractions in which case the transcripted lines would show no contractions.
Therefore, the line should be:
"-your wife would be-".usually, it's only changes in pronunciation (or sayign the wrong word) that gets carried over to written. Like wi' Hagrid Talkin'. Aboot that, yer.

bookish327 posted a comment on Wednesday 30th April 2008 12:44am for Chapter 2

I've read this chapter before, but I noticed something new when I read it this time. For the first day that Harry was at the Burrow, he never left Ginny's room (when she was acquainting him with info about the wizarding world and bringing him food). After eating, drinking, and taking potions, wouldn't he have needed to use the bathroom sometime that day (especially since he was consuming more food than he was used to receiving at Privet Drive)?

That's the only question I have at this point, but I wanted to let you know how much I've enjoyed this story. Your depiction of Harry, Ginny, and the other Weasleys all followed canon very well, taking into account that this is earlier in their lives than the books take place. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley blithe assurance that Ginny's friend Harry must have people who looked out for his welfare is a common misconception that made sense here (even if it was an incorrect assumption on their parts).

I liked how you wrote the goblins. It made perfect sense for Pickrake to enjoy stirring up a little chaos in the wizarding world when he found out that the Boy Who Lived wasn't being properly watched over by the powers that be in the wizarding world.

When I received an e-mail alerting me to your having updated this story, I decided to re-read all of the earlier chapters, which is how I came to ponder the question listed above. Thank you for continuing with this interesting, well-written story. We all appreciate the time and effort you put into it.

Narcissa Black posted a comment on Friday 25th April 2008 2:46pm for Chapter 2

Well, since you thanked another person, I thought you wouldn't be offended if I were to point these out.

"Meanwhile, at the breakfast table, Ginny was dishing plum (jam) into her bowl of porridge. She liked it best with (jam) and a dollop of honey right in the center. She didn't stir the bowl, preferring to get a bite of pure (jam) and honey with each bite."

Musings of Apathy replied:

Thank you very much for the correction.  For some reason, I had already corrected this in my origin file, but not the upload HTML or on the web.  I gave you credit for finding and correcting the homonym for me at the bottom of that chapter.  Thank you.

Mike (MoA)

Alex Mcpherson posted a comment on Sunday 2nd December 2007 8:44am for Chapter 2

Dunno If i've reviewed already.
Picked up a typo:

Ginny didn't understand everything that her brother and daddy were talking about, but she enjoyed listening to her big brother Bill bring such an adult."



Shouldn't that be:

she enjoyed listening to her big brother Bill being such an adult.



It's when he's talking about the goblins, the paragraph before bill first mentions Prof. Binns.

I'm going through reading it again, but I'll add more to this review if i find any others (not that there were many in the first place.)

..

She finished her bowl of porridge and dished another, adding marmalade and more plum jamb


Same section, just after Arthur says wizards wont think to ask non-humans for help if they don't know what to ask.
Jam, not Jamb. Dunno if they should be capitalised as names of foods. my english teachers never said and i alternated a lot and didn't think to ask ...

Can I take some pumpkin juice up with me.”

should end with a question mark...

quick question, is this correct?:

His door opened, emitting his executive secretary.


It makes sense but, well to me it reads slightly 'off'...
i get the feeling that emitting should be a different word even though that sentance does read correctly. Something like '-, allowing entrance to his executive secretary.'
it's just after Pickrake reads Harry's first letter.

Ginny sat next to her father, this morning, so she decided that he was as good a source of information as she needed.


another where I think there should be a different word but am not sure on,
I think it should be:

Ginny sat next to her father, this morning, as she had decided that he was as good a source of information as she needed.



missing word, in bold:

When Harry finished bathing himself, he drained the water, careful to use clean water to rinse the residue from the sides and bottom of the claw foot tub.


otherwise, 'to use clean to rinse..' to use clean what? clean dirt? hehe.

Odd sentance, doesn't follow properly due to what you mean by rest:

He was wearing the same boxers and t-shirt that he wore the previous two nights, but Ginny made a good argument that he needed the rest.


if you were referring to more clothes, it would fit, but you immediate pointed out how tired he was, ensuring 'rest' to mean physical resting.
I think this would fit (bold: changes)

He was wearing the same boxers and t-shirt that he wore the previous two nights, using them as pyjamas, for Ginny had made a good argument that he needed to rest.


if how you put it is correct, please tell how to understand it how you meant since it doesnt make sense to me.

Harry puled the loose ends of the bow...


puled should be pulled.

can't spot anything else.
Oh one last... the invisibility cloak, you writing it to be the same as the one he got from dumbledore in canon? (the note did say 'time it was returned to you' or something, not got my books right now.) Dumbledore could have sent it to the family vault, then during Harry's first year before christmas, Dumbledore realised a few things were happening and wanted him to have a safety-net of sorts, remembered the cloak, got it back and wrote that note.
if it's a different one, then my point i was going to make is irrelevant.
...
if it is:
the cloak, according to the film, was more 'cloak' like, as Harry wore it completely, like a hoody/cloak, and just pulled the hood back for the 'floating head' trick. (although the subsequent wandering scene contradicted that bit...)
erm... nevermind. just remembered what it was used for throughout the books in addition to hiding Harry himself...
meh.

rex posted a comment on Tuesday 13th November 2007 5:54am for Chapter 2

very good story this will go far pliz update soon. i like how u kept the charactors in charactor and made the story flow really well amazing

riegert8 posted a comment on Friday 12th October 2007 9:37am for Chapter 2

I think that this is a very good story. It is very nice that Arthur & Molly is worried about Ginny's new friend, but this chapter prove that Arthur and Molly are not very intelligent. It very nice that they would look for Harry, Arthur mention that the wand that MLE's found at the store was Molly's and Bill's wand. That seem stupid to me because Arthur sould know that Harry did not know about magic and that mean he is not going to Hogswart, it always means that he won't have a wand. There could be two reason for it one he is two young or a muggle.

TxA_GunFighter posted a comment on Saturday 28th July 2007 11:21am for Chapter 2

Very good. Liking this more and more.

gunny

Ben10 posted a comment on Sunday 3rd June 2007 11:48am for Chapter 2

Exciting!

Pritty posted a comment on Friday 12th January 2007 3:22am for Chapter 2

Hummmm...
I think I know were this is leading let me see the next chapter.

koppe posted a comment on Sunday 3rd December 2006 9:33pm for Chapter 2

Great story! I'm loving it so far... keep it up!
Hmmm... why do I have a feeling that Arthur or Molly sooner or later will not *only* discover that their youngest child -- and only daughter -- have been sleeping (although admittedly only sleeping) with a member of the opposite sex; but that they've gotten married too? ;-D
I'm looking forward to *much* more (despite November being over)...
Keep up the *great* work,
-Koppe

Jimbocous posted a comment on Monday 27th November 2006 8:42am for Chapter 2

Nicely done so far. I'll be interested to see where you take this. Somehow I have visions of a Hogwarts letter addressed to Ginny's bedroom, and or Fred and George let in on the secret. Endless possibilities.

EricThorsen posted a comment on Sunday 26th November 2006 6:32am for Chapter 2

Well, now they have the idea to get married... it will be interesting to see how it finally happens. Good work so far.

christine posted a comment on Sunday 26th November 2006 3:49am for Chapter 2

oh my god, i can`t wait for the next one! Its very exciting. I just love Harry and ginny.

Faith1 posted a comment on Sunday 26th November 2006 1:38am for Chapter 2

AWWW!! I hope that Pickrake becomes a big part and stands up to Bumbles... :D!

Kail Ceannai posted a comment on Saturday 25th November 2006 6:19pm for Chapter 2

Another excellent story. It's starting to lean a bit towards "Luna's Hubby," yet maintain it's own interesting threads.

Gotta love those Goblins. They're always useful =)

ttestagr posted a comment on Saturday 25th November 2006 4:39pm for Chapter 2

Great idea, and one that isn't very common. I had thought of something similar, with Harry ending up with the Weasley's as a child. This though is much better, with Ginny keeping him there secretly adding much more depth and intrigue to the story.

Quite a few people already commented on Dumbledore's reaction when he learned Harry was missing, and I agree that it will be severe. I suggest avoiding the 'he goes crazy looking for him and then tries his hardest to force him to live with the Dursley's again though' route though. It's something he might do, but its overused to the extreme. I'd suggest taking him in a direction where he thinks that he failed with his wards and dark wizards are responsible. From there you can have him actually start to use the considerable influence that he had in the beginning of the story and not waste it like he did in canon. The idea of Dumbledore making the lives of Voldemort's former supporters hell instead of Harry is something that appeals to me.

Other than that, keep on writing and I'll keep reading.

LittleTom45 posted a comment on Saturday 25th November 2006 2:21pm for Chapter 2

This is a fine story. I like the way you write from a child’s point of view. As adults we tend to forget that a child is so innocent and the world around them is still a great mystery. Yet they comprehend more than we sometimes believe. I was hard reading the abuse incurred on Harry. To know that fact there are people who are so cruel to kids is quite sad. Your writing is good and simple although some of the words used by Harry and Ginny seem to be above their vocabulary. Even with that, I still enjoy the story. I look forward to your next chapter.

goddessa39 posted a comment on Saturday 25th November 2006 6:17am for Chapter 2

LOL. Meddlesome goblin. I don't really see Harry staying with them hidden very long though. Continue!

dave84768768 posted a comment on Friday 24th November 2006 12:04pm for Chapter 2

Tres cute. Play marriage (that turns out to be real) comming soon I trust?

No Idea Why I Smile posted a comment on Friday 24th November 2006 10:29am for Chapter 2

forgot some things...

like how you brought in the Cloak and Galaxy pendant...those should be interesting..

the way you described Ginny and Harry is very good, and pretty close to canon.

the rings, oh the rings...i can just imagine what the goblin was thinking when he sent those...probably hoping for more chaos that would result from the Wizarding world finding out that Harry Potter, The-Boy-Who-Lived, was married at age 8...im assuming he's eight, and im also assuming that you are going to have the two of them get married, as that is the direction in which this is going.

those things and the forshadowing is everywhere i turn! the love and family thing. when Arthur explained why and how Molly and him are family...and Harry and Ginny already admitted they loved each other...

i did find it a bit off that Harry so openly admitted that He loved her, and he did it first, as he never said those words before...but i can also understand since he is much younger and vulnerable...so he might be more open than say Harry Potter from Canon at age sixteen, who's heart is closed for the most part, who's gone through sixteen years without anyone ever telling him that they loved him...who had his first friend at age eleven...so yes, i can see how it is easier for him to say "I love you" without those extra three years of no love and no friends...

and including that Dumbledore part...that was just brilliant...showing how he messes up at times..and how truely clueless he can be...and yeah...i cant wait until the world finds out Harry is missing...

i wonder how the dursleys reacted...im sure they didnt shed any tears...id be floored if they did...but would they report it, would Petunia, knowing about Albus' "Last"? or whatever...would she report him missing given that she knows that there will be a very unhappy Headmaster on her hands?

and wouldn't dumbledore's wards detect apparition/disapparition? you'd think they would...but you never know

i love it so far, and really and truely look forward to the next chapter, so i hope you put the next one up soon...hopefulyl in a few days **eyes shining with hope** lol

i love it...cant wait to see where you go with it next....

~*NIWIS*~